Things have been a little quiet around the blog lately. My goal had been to unplug a bit over the holidays and soak in every moment of Brighton’s first Christmas and enjoy our time with family. And that happened. But then some other things happened, too. I’ve sat down to write this post several times a day for the past 3-4 days, trying to find the words to say, avoiding the hurt that comes with recounting it all.
Many of you may already know, but for those who do not, Tuesday, January 5th, I said goodbye to my beloved Mama. She has been and always will be one of the greatest loves of my life. After more than two years of battling, the Lord took her home that afternoon. For those who have lost a parent or a loved one, you know the ache I feel, and understand the tears that stream down my face as I write these words.
To watch someone you love so very much die slowly has to be one of the most excruciating pains one can experience. In many ways I have mourned my mom for a long time. It’s been more than two years since I could call and chat with her the way we used to, or hug her neck while she hugged my waist and tried to pick me up. It’s been so long since I greeted her with “Hey Mama” and heard her reply “Hey Ba-bae”, not because she was one for pet names, or someone who called everyone sweetie or baby, but because I’m her youngest, her baby.
When she got sick, everything happened incredibly quickly. Within a matter of months, everything was stripped away from her at a rapid pace. Her memory, clarity, and decision-making were effected first, along with her speech and gait. Pretty soon she lost her job and we quickly decided it wasn’t safe for her to drive. My dad, sister, and I were so afraid, how could we be losing this woman we love so deeply. But through our ache, we sought doctor after doctor, looking for the cause, trying to find a solution.
Despite all our efforts, despite the many doctors we saw, a solution never came. Eventually, my mom lost all ability to communicate, to walk…to feed herself. We continued various treatments, but nothing seemed to help. We were losing her. We prayed and prayed for the Lord to heal her, and while it wasn’t the healing we were hoping for, she is finally healed. I am beyond thankful that there is not a single doubt in my mind that my mom is in Heaven, perfectly healed, and rejoicing with the angels.
As I said before, I have mourned and grieved to have my mom back for so long. But even knowing our time was limited, nothing prepares you to receive that call, to hear that she’s actually gone. There is still so very much to process and work through. In many ways, I am at peace and full of joy that she is no longer suffering. Unfortunately that doesn’t change the void I feel, or the ache in my heart. Each day is different, some are harder than others.
My mom will forever be the most important woman in my life. So much of who I am is because of who she was. Going through old photos in preparation for the visitation and service with my dad and sister, was in many ways a beautiful blessing. So many wonderful memories and funny stories flooded our minds. I began to remember my mom for who she was, rather than the pain of the past several years. While it seems so unfair that she will not be here to carry on our yearly traditions, to continue making new memories year after year, to be a grandma to Brighton {our five month old}, or to travel and enjoy retirement with my dad, we are so blessed for the time we had with her. And I have every intention of sharing with Brighton my wonderful memories of his grandmother, and ensuring her love and beauty live on through those memories.
For those of you who have walked this journey with us, thank you. Thank you for your love, kindness, and prayers. Please continue praying for us as we sort through these emotions and figure out what to do from here.
So much of my love for cooking and healthy eating came from my mom. From the time I was little she stressed the importance of eating whole foods that fuel our bodies, rather than processed junk. As a kid, I often thought the “junk” would be a whole lot more fun, but the older I got, the more I realized just how right she was. Because of her, I know the value of health, which has forever changed, not only my life, but my husbands and son’s as well.
There are definitely people who do not care for “healthier snacks”, but my mom wasn’t one of them, she always loved trying the things I came up with, and while these Roasted Beet Chips are an easy one, and have certainly been done before, I think it’s safe to say, she would have liked them.
So if you’re in need of a healthy snack to satisfies those salt cravings, add these Roasted Beet Chips to your list of recipes to try.
Benefits of Beets:
- High in vitamins and minerals, such as potassium, magnesium, iron, Vitamins A, B & C, beta-caroten, and folic acid, just to name a few.
- They are a wonderful cleanse for the liver, working as a purifier for the blood, which can prevent various forms of cancer
- Contain betaine and trytophan, which can help treat depression and lower blood pressure.
- High in Fiber, which can help the body feel full and make weight loss easier. High fiber foods can also help lower cholesterol and blood glucose levels, helping to lower risk of heart disease.
Roasted Beet Chips + Remembering My Mom
Ingredients
- 4 small beets scrubbed
- coconut oil cooking spray or melted coconut oil
- sea salt
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
- Thinly slice beets to approx 1/16th inch, getting them as consistently thin as possible.
- Add sliced beets to medium bowl, spray with coconut oil {or drizzle with melted coconut oil} and toss to coat. Spray baking sheet with another light layer of coconut oil cooking spray, then arrange in a single layer.
- Bake for 15-20 minutes or until crispy and slightly brown. Watch closely once you get to the 15 minute mark as they can burn quickly!
- Let cool and serve.
Healthy Benefits taken from Full Circle and Livestrong.com.
Julie Miller says
Deepest condolences on the loss of your dear mother. How fortunate to have such a loving person as a mother. Have faith you’ll be reunited with her soul again some day.
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you Julie <3
Trisha says
What a beautiful tribute to your mom, Kaylee. She raised two wonderful girls and her legacy continues on through you and Jana. While her time was too short here on earth, we will be reunited with her again someday.
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you Trish <3
Sommer Tolley says
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. So sorry for what you have had to experience, Our ways are not His ways. One day we will see the tapestry from the other side, all the knots and loose ends will make sense.
For now we are left to wonder how this all comes together, and why these things must happen. A big hug to you. And a prayer for you to have peace like only God can supply you.
May you receive so much comfort and joy from your memories, and may you learn wonderful things that you never knew about your mom! Because I know she was indeed, wonderful.
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you for such kind words, your encouragement and prayers mean so much <3
Anita Robertson says
So sorry for your loss. Know that you are carrying forward and sharing her tradition of eating healthfully – a truly wonderful legacy.
My heart hurts for you, but I am sure that even though she has left this earthly plane, she is near you and still sending her love.
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you Anita <3
taylor @ greens & chocolate says
Oh Kaylee – I wish I could give you a big hug! I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you Taylor <3
Kathleen Henry says
My heart goes out to you in this time of sorrow, Kaylee. :( Sending lots of love your way!
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you Kathleen <3
Ashley says
I’m not really sure of the right words to say, but I’m so very sorry for your loss, Kaylee. I may only know you through this lovely blog of yours, but the wisdom and kindness of your words has always moved beyond these pages for me. What a heartfelt and inspiring tribute to your mom. Sending lots of love and compassion your way. <3
Kaylee Pauley says
Thank you so much, Ashley <3